I-800!

Another step off the checklist! Our I-800 form (Petition to Classify Convention Adoptee as an Immediate Relative) was approved by USCIS this morning. It means we're one step closer to getting Rose. Three steps left until we have our Travel Approval! It takes an average of 20 days to get the I-800 approved, and ours took 14 days, so we shaved almost a week off the projected timeline. Now I feel confident that barring any big obstacles, we'll travel in mid-March and have her home for her first birthday on April 7th.

Now I really need to get serious about finishing that thesis...

A letter to Rose-- December 27th

Dear Rose-

I thought about skipping a week with the chaos of Christmas and a house full of guests. After all, you're not reading these letters. Even if you knew about our existence, over here, 15 time zones away, you can't read or speak English. But whatever, we all know these letters are for me.

Your baby shower is tonight. Today we've been making cupcakes and filling the dining room with Chinese umbrellas and lanterns. In a few hours, some of our friends and family will come to eat egg rolls and dumplings, fortune cookies and cupcakes. We know that fortune cookies and cupcakes are not traditionally Chinese, but our aim is Chinese American, so I think we're on target.

Since you're baby number five, I'm 36, and it's the holidays and we know people have places to go and people to see, we're dispensing with any and all baby shower games. This is a preemptive move on my part because I'm so competitive I'd win them all, and that's not good behavior for a guest of honor.

Instead of matching the adopted celebrity baby to her parents, we're going to have people leave wishes for Rose on a "100 Good Wishes Quilt." I ran across this tradition when I was checking my email on Christmas morning, so we're not doing things exactly according to protocol, but the quilt is based on a Chinese tradition where friends and families contribute fabric to be sewed into a quilt for a new baby, and that quilt becomes that child's quilt throughout her life. Here in America, adoptive families often have their friends and families contribute two pieces of fabric, one to go in a quilt, and one attached to a piece of scrapbook paper along with their handwritten wish, which eventually becomes part of a scrapbook for the child. Once we came across the idea, there was no time to ask everyone attending the baby shower to contribute two squares of fabric, so we decided to make it easy on them. We'll have people write their wish on the quilt backing. Then we'll collect wishes from other friends and family who can't be here tonight and transcribe them to the quilt. We've picked out a whole bunch of fabrics-- pandas, chopsticks, Chinese zodiacs, Chinese girls, and a plethora of roses, and Mimi's going to sew them all into a beautiful quilt, just for you.

Next week, the house will be quiet again, the dozen people staying here cut in half. The big kids and Daddy will be back in school, and Maren and I will sort through the pictures from the shower and show you what a good time we had. The only thing that could make it better would be to have you here to celebrate with us. The good news is that you'll never miss another Christmas with your family.

Love,

Mommy

Book Review: The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach

Title: The Art of Fielding
Author: Chad Harbach
Enjoyment Rating: 9/10
Referral: One of those buzzy books of the season-- not sure where I heard of it first
Source: Audible for iPhone
Books I've read this year: 157

The Art of Fielding is a book about baseball. More specifically, it's a book about Division 3 college baseball. It's the kind of baseball that, as Harbach says in the book, people end up watching late at night when they turn on ESPN 2 in hopes of seeing reruns of baseball or billiards. In other words, it could be a snoozer of a topic. Except that in Harbach's hands, the story works, even for someone who doesn't know or care a single little bitty bit about baseball.  The 528-page book essentially covers one baseball season of the Westish Whalers, a small liberal arts college in Wisconsin. It centers on shortstop Henry Skrimshander, the best player Westish has ever seen, on the cusp of breaking the NCAA record for error-free games. Skrimshander's roommate, Owen, and mentor, Schwartz, make up two of the five central characters, as do Guert and Pella Affenlight, father and daughter, college president and high school dropout, who are dating Owen and Schwartz, respectively.

A couple of things really, really surprised me about The Art of Fielding. The first is that the author, Chad Harbach, wrote such a straightforward, almost classical novel. Harbach, the editor of the journal n + 1, seems to take lots of risks with his journal which spotlights politics, literature, culture, and art, among other things. I would have expected something more postmodern out of Harbach, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that the novel is not dead, at least not here.

The other big surprise is that the reviews on Amazon are so polarizing, which I generally think is a sign of a book with serious potential. Some people say it's the worst book they ever read, others adore it. It's true that the book could have been edited by about 100 pages without losing any of the story, but I loved the way that Harbach sometimes took his time with language or spent a lot of time on someone's thoughts. It helped me see ways that I could flesh out my current writing project to make it richer. I've already pressed it on Eddie and my dad is getting a copy for Christmas. I know, it is Christmas, but if you hurry, you can order a Kindle copy for the baseball lover or the reader in your life.

Book Review: The Scholar of Moab by Steven L. Peck

Title: The Scholar of Moab
Author: Steven L. Peck
Enjoyment Rating: 8/10
Referral: I read a review on By Common Consent
Source: Ordered new from Amazon
Books I've read this year: 156

I've been sitting here at the computer for a long time, wondering what to say about this book. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not trying to look for a nice way to say that I didn't like this book, because I really did like it. But mostly, I'm impressed with the ambition of the book. Even though its length, at just about 300 pages, isn't epic, it feels epic in scope. I think part of the reason is because the book, which centers on the story of Hyrum Thayne, the high school dropout turned "scholar," encompasses so many different voices. Readers not only get Hyrum's private journal, misspellings and malapropisms and all, but they also hear poems from his wife, Sandra, poems and letters from his gal-on-the-side, Dora, letters from one half of the conjoined twins who worked as cowboys in the LaSal mountains outside of Moab during Hyrum's stint blowing stuff up for the government, notes from the unnamed redactor, and likely letters, transcripts or other written work from other voices. I had so much fun reading all of these different voices, and Peck's ability to write from the perspective of so many different characters was really impressive.

The Scholar of Moab is also a book that manages to walk the fine line between satirizing the people of Moab and embracing them. On the back jacket, Scott Abbott says, "It’s satire of the best sort: biting what it loves, snuggling up to what it hates," and that's an assessment that I heartily agree with. Sandra and her ward members are both ignorant and tender, and my reaction to Hyrum vacillated from hate to love and back again several times over the course of the narrative.

One of the most interesting things about The Scholar of Moab is that it's possible to read it as realistic fiction where an astounding number of coincidences come together to create delightfully weird and tragic situation. But it's also possible to read it as magical realism. I'm not sure that Peck comes down decisively on either side of the issue.

The Scholar of Moab is rich, nuanced, and complicated. It expects a lot of its readers, and I appreciate that there is a growing body of books out there by and for (but not only for) Mormons that are embracing these complexities.  

A letter to Rose-- December 20th

Dear Rose,

It's less than a week until Christmas and after a frantic weekend, I think we're almost ready. I'm hoping that by the time the girls get home from school tomorrow, I'll be able to set my schoolwork aside and just enjoy the next few weeks with our family. And that, our family, is what I want to write about today.


I know that over there in China, most families have one child, two at the most. While that situation definitely has its pros and cons (to discuss another day), here in the United States, it's common to see families with two or three children. Right now, there are four kids living in our house, and every one was welcomed with excitement and anticipation, both by us and by our friends. I know this isn't always the case. People tend to project their own wants and abilities onto others, and back when we thought we were only going to have four kids, I remember looking at families of six or seven and thinking "are they crazy?"

Thankfully, everyone I've talked with about adopting you has been far more generous than I might have been several years ago. While I have friends in the adoption communities whose families are downright hostile to the idea of adopting kids with special needs or from different ethnic backgrounds or going from a "normal" sized family to a "big" family, we're lucky that we haven't experienced that yet. In fact, our families have been wonderful. Whenever we talk to Daddy's family, they always ask about you and ooh and aah over your pictures. Mimi and Grandad included you in their "dozen little cupcakes" (their metaphor to talk about their grandchildren in their Christmas card this year). While I know some families might balk at us adding more kids, I'm pleased to say that they're anticipating your arrival almost as eagerly as we are.

Honestly, it wouldn't change anything from my perspective if people did say we were crazy. You're ours. We love you. And while we're absolutely delighted to know that in March you'll be ours forever, it is a little bittersweet to know that you'll be spending your first Christmas in an orphanage halfway around the world. We're celebrating on your behalf. Your presents are wrapped. Your stocking is hanging by the fireplace. Next Tuesday is your baby shower, and I feel so grateful that so many people who love us are eager to love you too.

Love,

Mommy

A big day

Have you ever had one of those days so full of good, big, and momentous events that it's almost too much to take in. It's my first moment of down time all day, and I'm not sure I can even process it yet.

I knew when I woke up that it was going to be a big day, and a busy day. Ed was taking a board exam, which is a big deal, and I was taking my last final as a graduate student, both of which are significant events, in and of themselves. Both of the girls had holiday concerts. And I had plans to go to the temple and lunch with a good friend for her birthday. During my run this morning, I kept hopping off the treadmill to write notes to myself so I wouldn't forget anything.

Not only was it a big and busy day, but I was also feeling kind of stressed out. Not about the test or the performances or the birthday, but about the dang letter from China we've been waiting for. Driving down to Provo I called Ed to lament about how the wait was wearing me out. He was getting sick of my whining about how things should go in order and I'd be a super-awesome paper pusher if I were ever in the position to approve people for adoption, and he told me to take a deep breath and go take my final. So I took a deep breath, and the phone rang. I saw the Seattle area code and knew it was our agency and started sobbing before I even picked up the phone. We got our letter on day 62 of the wait. Not the fastest letter ever, but certainly not the slowest. Now we have about three months until we can go to China. It's going to happen!

After I wiped the mascara off my face and we did some quick maneuvers with the scanner, I went to my final, then to Maren's adorable dance performance, then totally flubbed dinner because I was still too jangly and shaky to remember things like adding sugar and spices to the pumpkin pancakes. Who needs to eat on a night like this, anyway?

All in all, a good day. A very good day. We have some other big news (that also happened today) but I don't think I can share that news yet. It doesn't have anything to do with our adoption, other than our need to house our growing family.

A letter to Rose-- December 13th

Dear Rose,

I just got off the phone with your Mimi. She was trying to write a letter and your cousin Sammy was crying in the background. It seems that almost every time I call Mimi or your Aunt Jilly, Sam is making noise in the background. Babies, even sweet and adorable babies like Sammy, are a lot of work.

A few days ago, one of the families from the Yahoo group visited your orphanage and she got a picture of you. We know from your referral papers that you're "active" and "restless," so it shouldn't come as a surprise that in the pictures she snapped, you're crying, begging to be picked up. I know that I am going to have my hands full once you get here.

Over the next few months, there's nothing I can do to hurry along the process of getting there, of picking you up, of making sure that someone is always there to hold you when you cry or rock you to sleep, so instead of blathering on about it, I'm going to be pragmatic. Here are a whole list of things that I can do now that I won't be able to do once you get here:

1) Sleep in on Sunday mornings. Or any mornings. Maren wakes me up for her cereal and milk, but it's easy enough to do a quick pour and stagger back to bed. No warming bottles, no strapping in the highchair, no feeding bite by slow bite required.

2) Take a shower. I know how hard it is to get a shower at all those first few months, and since I'm not sure if you'll be more baby or more toddler, I don't know if you'll keep me so busy I won't be able to get near the shower, or if you'll just cry at the bathroom door like Isaac did when he was a baby. Either way, the long hot shower will be compromised.

3) Get in and out of the car quickly. As long as I hit the automatic doors on the van, everyone is at the stage where they can get in and buckle themselves (although Isaac did point to the door handle the other day and ask what it was used for). I figure you're at least three years from that point. In fact, when the car seat arrived, I checked it to make sure it was the right color, then dropped it back in the box and stuck it in the garage. Such is my revulsion for the car seat stage.

4) Go places without a stroller. Oh, I have a stroller. If I'd let her, I'm sure Maren would even sit in it. But we rarely go anywhere (including the zoo or other places with lots of walking) with a stroller. Of course, a stroller has its upsides (there's always a place to put your drink, for example) but we're focusing on the positive aspects of not having a baby here.

5) Eat a meal in a restaurant. From the time Bryce was three months until he was three, we were a takeout only kind of family. Enough said.

6) Go to the movies. When you take a toddler to the movies, the older kids sit and watch the movie, while you wait in the hall with the baby, worrying about the aforementioned older kids, chasing the baby, and willing time to move faster.

7) Run. I've run 11 marathons since Maren's first birthday. It's something I enjoy doing and get a lot of personal satisfaction from. And even though I've already signed up for a bunch of spring and summer races, I paid my entrance fees knowing that pulling out would always be an option.

8) Live in a house without diapers. We'll ignore the fact that your older brother and sister wear pull ups to bed. I haven't dealt with poop (other than my own) for at least a year. I like it that way.

9) Actually sit on the bench for an entire sacrament meeting. Oh, wait a sec, I actually appreciate the excuse a kid gives me to go talk in the hall.

10) Write a novel. It makes sense that I'm finishing my MFA, embarking on my dream to write novels, and adopting a baby at the same time. Because those are totally compatible desires, right?

I recognize that I'm giving up a lot of the freedoms I've gained back in the last few years. Of course, I'm writing this letter to you with your sister sitting on my lap, watching a movie on the iPad, so I guess freedom is relative. And I hope you know, Dear Rose, that chronicling this list doesn't mean that I want you any less or want you to come any slower (please, no!) but it just helps me remember that even though you're not here, some aspects of my life are easier now than they will be in a few months.

Love,

Mommy

Book Review: Variant by Robison Wells (Whitney Finalist)

Title: Variant
Author: Robison Wells
Enjoyment Rating: 7/10
Referral: I'd heard about it several times but decided to buy it after Emily Milner talked about it at Segullah
Source: Kindle for iPad
Books I've read this year: 155

When Variant starts, seventeen-year-old Benson Fisher arrives at a boarding school in New Mexico, feeling like it will be the first place he will ever be able to call home. He's a foster kid who has lived in too many places to count, and when he gets the opportunity to apply for a scholarship at Maxfield Academy, he jumps at the chance to have a place to belong.

However, it becomes evident even before Benson crosses the threshold of the school that something is seriously messed up at Maxfield. There are no teachers, no adults of any kind. In order to keep a Lord of the Flies-style anarchy from erupting, the students have broken up into three groups, and Benson has to choose which one to join on the first day (he joins the Vs, or the Variants). While the school has only four rules, no one seems able to tell him what it means to be sent to "detention" (the punishment for breaking the rules). Benson decides it's high time to leave, but he soon realizes that escape will be more difficult than he imagined.

I hesitate to call Variant a dystopian novel, because it's not immediately apparent that anything dystopian is going on. Benson's world appears to be like our world. And even when he gets to the school, it seems pretty draconian, but not necessarily out of the realm of possibility. It's not until three quarters of the way through the book that the dystopian elements emerge, so I can't decide if it's a card well played or if Wells is messing with our expectations as readers. While the story really picks up at the end, the middle third is slow-- we see a lot of paintball, and not much else. I also think that the budding love stories should be built up more to justify Benson's reactions to them.

I'll say this for Variant-- it didn't feel like a trilogy, or even like a "stand alone book with series potential" even after I finished it. I was a little bit confused by the ending, and by the potential love triangle it opened up, but it never felt like it was working its way toward more books. So I'm intrigued that Wells (like his brother Dan, whose first Monster book didn't feel like part of a trilogy) has two more books in the works.

Book Review: The Place of Knowing by Emma Lou Warner Thayne

Title: The Place of Knowing: A Spiritual Autobiography
Author: Emma Lou Warner Thayne
Enjoyment Rating:
Referral: Emma Lou Thayne was the keynote speaker at the Mormon Women Project salon and I bought the book after hearing her wonderful speech.
Source: Ordered new from Amazon
Books I've read this year: 154

After I listened to Emma Lou Thayne share some of her life experiences at the Mormon Women Project salon in November, I rushed right home and ordered her book. She talked about her life in a way that was both traditional and surprising for an eightysomething Mormon matriarch. For example, she spoke about being on the Young Women General Board and about her long and successful marriage to her husband, and she also said that his approach to their marriage reminded her of his approach to teaching her to waterski-- he gave her enough rope and enough firmness to help her up out of the water. But she also talked about some of the difficult experiences in her life like her daughter's struggle with bipolar disorder which provided the inspiration for her hymn "Where Can I Turn for Peace?" and about an accident she had in the 1980s and the woman who read her aura who revealed to her that she had actually died briefly after the accident.

When I started The Place of Knowing, I wasn't surprised that Thayne used the story of the accident to frame her spiritual autobiography, because she says that she eventually came to realize that her purpose in having that experience was to share it with others, and to talk about her journey to the place of "childness." While the book definitely feels more like an autobiography than a memoir, since it attempts to hit the highlights of Thayne's entire life, it's more reflective and analytical than many autobiographies. The chapters also deal with subjects, not with chronology, so we have chapter four "Living with the Ineffable" in which she talks about sleep, her accident, her need for solitude, her time at writing camps, and trying to meet the needs of her family and her need to write. The chapter also includes half a dozen poems interspersed with the text, which shouldn't come as a surprise to those who know Thayne primarily as a poet.

I came to admire Thayne for her inclusiveness and her ability to see the spiritual in aspects of her life that many of us, plodding from meeting to meeting, checking scripture study and family prayer off our lists, do not make room in our schedules and our hearts for. I had to resist the urge to skip through the poetry-- when I'm reading a story, I want to get on with the story, not stop to read a poem, but I found that when I did take the time to read the poems, I could usually see why Thayne felt that that particular poem said what she wanted to say better than prose would. The book jacket says that the book is for those "who desire a better understanding of his or her divine self" and through reading about Thayne's experiences, I felt that I might be more open to including a greater variety of spiritual experiences in my own life.

Book Review: The Rules of Civility by Amor Towles

Title: The Rules of Civility
Author: Amor Towles
Enjoyment Rating: 8/10
Referral: This one kept popping up on recommendations from Amazon
Source: Audible for iPhone
Books I've read this year: 153

The best way to describe The Rules of Civility is The Great Gatsby, gone girl. Yes, the book is set 15 years later, and it's the Daisy/Gatsby figure (I can't decide which) who is actually from the midwest, while Katey Kontent, a secretary originally from Brighton Beach, who plays Nick Carroway's role as narrator, mostly benevolent social climber, and adjudicator. When the book opens in the 1960s, Katey and her husband are at a show for portraits taken during the 1930s. When Katey sees two portraits of her old friend, banker Tinker Grey, she launches into a reverie of the year they spent in the same orbit. The book deals with the complications of female friendship (Katey's best friend Evelyn tries to quash any budding relationship between Katey and Tinker by snatching him for herself), the social networks and mentoring relationships of the Upper East Side, and the ways that women could advance themselves socially and professionally in the 1930s.

The Rules of Civility is absolutely beautifully written, full of surprises, and I'm still thinking about Evie, Tinker, and Katey several weeks after finishing the book. It's the kind of book that makes me want to be a better writer, both in terms of the ability to use language and in the way Towles spins a story worth listening to.