Book Review: Your Cleft-Affected Child by Carrie Gruman-Trinker

Title: Your Cleft-Affected Child: The Complete Book of Information, Resources, and Hope
Author: Carrie Gruman-Trinker
Usefulness Rating: 7/10
Referral: Found on Amazon
Source: Ordered used from Amazon
Books I've read this year: 136

While A Parent's Guide to Cleft Lip and Palate was a more useful book from a medical perspective, there were things I really liked about Carrie Gruman-Trinker's Your Cleft-Affected Child. Gruman-Trinker's son Aidan (the fifth child in her family) was born with pretty serious bilateral cleft lip and palate, and the book is part memoir, part information resource, and part cheerleader. One of the things I like best about the book is the short set of profiles of other people who were born with clefts (including Tom Brokaw, Jesse Jackson and Joaquin Phoenix). I also appreciated reading about her experiences with Aidan.

However, Aidan was still a preschooler at the time the book was published, and I'd love to hear how a cleft lip and palate affects a child as she grows. Part of the reason why I'm interested in that is because I'm making this research do double duty. In my fiction class we were assigned to write a short story that we had to do some research to write about effectively, and since we got our referral of Rose shortly after we got the assignment, it seemed natural to write about cleft lip and palate. I don't want to write the story from the point of view of a young child, and I'm finding it hard to get information on the lasting effects of this birth defect (is birth defect a p.c. term? Gruman-Trinker uses it in this book). It served my purposes as the mother of a child, (but only hand-in-hand with the more technical books about cleft lip/palate) but not my purposes as a writer. 

A letter to Rose- October 25

Dear Rose,

Tomorrow it will be a month since the first time we saw your beautiful face. It's hard to believe it's only been a month, because it feels like forever. We're completely adjusted to the idea of having you join our family, and if we could jump on a plane tomorrow to go get you, I'd do it without a second thought and I think I'd feel like we had most of what we needed to welcome you into the family. The hard thing is that we probably won't actually travel to see you for another four months.

Mimi has been staying with your Aunt Jilly, watching your cousin Sammy while she's at work. So nearly every day I get an update on Sammy. He's playing with his gym, he's trying to turn over, he's grabbing things, he loves taking walks in the morning. Sammy is just a couple months younger than you are (we're very lucky that you have two cousins, Reuben and Sammy, who were born in May and July, so you have built-in playmates), and on the one hand, I imagine you, all the way over in China, doing the same things. They mentioned in your referral papers that you really liked playing with the toys in the baby gym, so I know that's something you do. On the other hand, I think of the time that Aunt Jilly and Uncle Carl have with Sammy, smiling at him and carrying him around and just enjoying him, and it's hard to think that you need and crave the kind of love I so want to give you.

I spent this weekend up in Idaho with a bunch of girlfriends. We try to get together every year, and a few years ago, Maren and I slept on the floor of a room with about ten other women. The sleeping arrangements were great, but it was really fun to get together with so many friends. This year, we stayed in a lodge where we were completely pampered. I got a massage and a pedicure and every time we turned around someone was giving us delicious food, made from scratch. At the end of the weekend, we were all talking about coming again next year, and as much as I love getting together, I knew it was something I couldn't commit to.

You see, the lodge has a strict "no kids" policy, which I totally get-- we went up there to get a break from motherhood. If we went again next year, you'd be a year and a half, and by the time your older brothers and sisters were that age, I didn't feel too much guilt about leaving them overnight. But one thing I've learned is that we'll need to interact with you based on your "family age." So even if you're ten or eleven months when you come home, you'll be a newborn according to your "family age." I didn't spend the night away from any of my babies when they were under a year, and I don't plan to leave you for one night, let alone three nights, the first you're home either. I imagine that my friends, many of whom have kids who are quite a bit older than you'll be, might get sick of me packing you around in your baby carrier or toting you around on my hip everywhere we go.

But I think that as important as it is to get you into a home and get your physical needs taken care of, my most significant challenge in the upcoming year is going to be to get you to feel connected to us as your family, to feel like our home is a place of safety for you, to feel like you can love us back as much as we love you. I'll be honest-- it's going to stretch me. Your brothers and sisters are older-- they don't need me in the same way that they used to, and getting back to the 24/7 kind of mothering will be a challenge. But I'm up for it if you are.

Love,
Mommy

Book Review: Falling for Hamlet by Michelle Ray

Title: Falling for Hamlet
Author: Michelle Ray
Enjoyment Rating: 6/10
Referral: Janssen from Everyday Reading
Source: Kindle for iPad
Books I've read this year: 135

The premise of this book sounded so cool-- a modern-day update of Hamlet. Immediately my mind went to the screwballness of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead, and I was prepared to be delighted.

I think my expectations were too high. The book is part Oprah-style talk show, part police interrogation, and part recollection. It's told from the point of view of Ophelia (who faked her suicide in order to get away from the castle), and although the book claimed to be set in Denmark, it felt a lot more like Denmark was a city in Southern California, complete with pernicious paparazzi,  and Ophelia was Claire Daines in My So-Called Life, and Hamlet was Jordan Catalano (which took place in Pennsylvania, but there's no paparazzi in Pennsylvania).

The relocation of the novel wasn't what made it problematic. And although I am totally okay with just about everything in a novel for adults, a YA novel where high school kids get drunk, do drugs and have sex bugs me, but that wasn't the main problem of the book for me. The main problem was when Ray tried to translate the soliloquies from Shakespeare's language into ours. Even though she talks in her afterword about how her readers kept encouraging her to rewrite them, I still don't think she gets it right. The book picked up speed in the last third, but the first two thirds of the novel were not that compelling, because from Ophelia's perspective, the first two-thirds of the book could be summarized by listening to Katy Perry's "Hot n Cold." The whole thing left me a little cold, personally. 

Book Review: The Connected Child by Karyn B. Purvis

Title: The Connected Child: For Parents Who Have Welcomed Children
Author: Karyn B. Purvis
Usefulness Rating: It's hard to say until Rose gets here, but I thought it was useful for my other kids
Referral: Terri Coley, an adoptive mom and friend of my godmother
Source: purchased from Amazon
Books I've read this year: 134

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you may have noticed that considering the fact that I have a bunch of kids, I really don't read a lot of parenting books. I used to when Bryce and Annie were little. Then, eventually, I learned to trust myself more than I trusted the advice of some expert and didn't feel like I needed them all that much. But I did notice that I was a more engaged parent when I was reading the books and attempting to put them into practice.

Now that Rose is joining the family, I feel a little bit like I'm starting over. I know how to handle sleepless nights, the terrible twos, and time outs really well. What I don't know how to do is to help a child who didn't spend the first year of her life with me feel connected to me as her mother, since that Mommy-baby nursing, cuddling, gazing thing all just happened by instinct. I need to learn how to recreate it for someone who didn't get it in the first year. And that's what The Connected Child sets out to do.

The book reminds me quite a lot of Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child-- the idea of connection is central to both, but PYIAC covers a lot of other things too and it's a much bigger book, while The Connected Child feels more focused. When I read PYIAC I felt like I knew I had to come back and read it again once Rose arrived, but with The Connected Child, there were lots of things I felt I could apply in my connection with the kids who are in my family already, particularly the Aspie one who struggles socially. So I'll work on trying out some of these techniques now, and maybe by the time Rose gets here, they too will feel instinctual. If not, I always know where I can go for a refresher.

Book Review: The Mapping of Love and Death by Jacqueline Winspear

Title: The Mapping of Love and Death (Maisie Dobbs Book 7)
Author: Jacqueline Winspear
Enjoyment Rating: 9/10
Referral: The 7th book in the series
Source: Audible for iPhone
Books I've read this year: 133 (recordbreaking!)

In 2010, I read more books than I'd ever read before, at least since I started counting (and I have a feeling that counting was what made me read so much-- being public about my reading really motivates me). This year, I wasn't sure it was possible to read more books than I did last year, so I was stoked to break that record by the beginning of October. And it felt particularly fitting to break that record with an audiobook, since listening to audiobooks is the primary reason why I've read so much more this year than last, and also the primary reason why I am now woefully uninformed about current events (because I used to spend that time listening to NPR). I was delighted that I broke last year's record with this particular book, because of all the Maisie Dobbs books, this one was my favorite.

Okay, okay, I know that when I read Maisie Dobbs I should care about more important things, like the plight of homeless veterans or whether or not Maisie will ever trade in her black daydress for something more fashionable. As I've said before, I feel lame because I keep wanting Maisie to get emotionally healthy enough to want a man in her life. I mean, the old girl has got to be 35 or so now, so time's a-ticking (this said by someone who is 36). The thing is, I'm not sure Maisie has wanted a husband or kids, and evidence in the books points to the fact that she'd find it difficult to make some of the sacrifices children and husbands require. Also, Maisie sees herself as a bit of an unintentional trailblazer-- she got an education, rose above her low social class, and now she's a working woman with an excellent reputation. But I want her to fall in love!

Way, way back in Book 1, I said something to myself. I said, "I think Maisie is eventually going to fall in love with _______" (I don't want to spoil it for you). Of course, it seemed impossible at the time that she would ever fall for __________-- even more impossible than Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy actually getting together. But lo and behold, in Book 7, Maisie and _________ fall madly, deeply in love. Not really. They fall discreetly and companionably in love, but wildly and madly would be out of character for Maisie. I found myself wiping my eyes when I was running and driving more times than I can count this week-- I was just so glad that Maisie finally found love. Now I just hope she doesn't screw it up!

And, oh yeah, the mystery of this one is pretty decent too. And there's a very sad, very engrossing event in Maisie's personal life. You have to read it to find out-- and I promise, if you're a Maisie Dobbs fan, don't quit because six was a little lame. Seven is worth it!

Book Review: Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child by Patty Cogen

Title: Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years
Author: Patty Cogen
Usefulness Rating: 10/10
Referral: I think our social worker recommended it during the homestudy process.
Source: Purchased from Amazon
Books I've read this year: 132

This book has been sitting on my bedside table for months. I tackled the memoirs about adoption first, and saved all of the hard, serious books, the ones about politics and parenting, for later, when traveling to China and getting our baby were actually on the horizon. I've decided that it's time to tackle the hard books (and besides, I think I worked my way through all of the memoirs), and so I did a cursory reading of Parenting Your Adopting Child. It reminded me a little bit of when I read What to Expect When You're Expecting before the baby actually arrived. It was interesting, but not really relevant yet. I can tell that when it is finally relevant, the book will be useful. So I read all of the early chapters and skimmed through the later chapters (about older kids and teenagers) since I won't be dealing with an adopted older kid or a teenager for many years.

In this reading, however, Cogen did a great job pounding one thing into my brain-- although I'm concerned about Rose's physical needs right now, those will be easy to fix, and the ramifications of losing her parents, then losing her caregivers in the orphanage, and not having opportunity to spend significant amounts of time bonding as a baby will be things that we'll have to work through when she arrives. Even though she'll be a baby who doesn't walk or talk, we'll still have to work through helping her connect and knowing that we'll be her forever family. It made me glad that I'll be done with school by the time she arrives, because she's going to need to have my focus for a while, and I feel fortunate that I'll be able to give it to her.

Book Review: Rewriting by Joseph Harris

Title: Rewriting: How to do things with texts
Author: Joseph Harris
Usefulness Rating: 6/10
Referral: Required reading for my Fairy Tale Folklore class
Source: Purchased from Amazon
Books I've read this year: 130

 I think that if I were planning a career in academic writing, this would be a useful book to read as a graduate student. It contains many of the same ideas about writing that Booth, Colomb and Williams present in The Craft of Writing (which we used last year in the 311 class I taught), but the focus is more on academic writing than on writing research papers. However, the ideas of countering, forwarding, and responding are present in both books, and I think that The Craft of Writing is more accessible and interesting. However, the Harris book is more in-depth in its focus on academics.

I'll just say this-- reading Rewriting made me glad that I'm a creative writer. It's so much more fun to write stories than it is to write about things other people have written.

Book Review: Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino

Title: Invisible Cities
Author: Italo Calvino
Enjoyment Rating: 8/10
Referral: Required reading for my Creative Writing seminar
Source: Purchased from Amazon
Books I've read this year: 129

I really, really wish I had been able to attend my class discussion on Invisible Cities. I drove down to Provo, walked across campus to the building, and sat down at the seminar table when the phone rang. It was Isaac's school calling to say he was sick. And I was super-bummed, not just because I now had to walk back across campus and drive back to Salt Lake, but because I wonder what everyone else thought about the book.

I labeled Invisible Cities a book of short stories, but it feels more like a book of dreams. The premise is that Marco Polo is talking to Kubla Khan about the cities he has encountered in his travels. He recounts visits to dozens of places, but these places are all magical and mystical, and don't feel like places in the Orient in the 13th century. In fact, as Polo and Khan continue their discussion, it's evident that the places are much more in Polo's head than they are in any real place.

The language of Invisible Cities is exquisite-- it's more poetic than poetry. As a result, I felt like I approached it like I approached poetry. I tried to soak up the rhythm and the images, and didn't care too much if I didn't "get it." I think the book worked, and some of the cities were haunting (like the one where a mirror of the aboveground city existed underground and all of the dead were positioned in the underground city, engaged in the kind of work they did while they were alive).

Anyway, I wish I could have heard what other people felt about the book. I feel like 90% of it went over my head, but the 10% that stayed with me was pretty enjoyable.

Book Review: Among the Mad by Jacqueline Winspear

Title: Among the Mad (Maisie Dobbs, Book 6)
Author: Jacqueline Winspear
Enjoyment Rating: 6/10
Referral: Still plugging along with Maisie Dobbs
Source: Audible for iPhone
Books I've read this year: 128

I like the Maisie Dobbs books least when they seem too issues driven. If you could call Messenger of Truth "the poverty book" and An Incomplete Revenge "the discrimination book," then Among the Mad would be "the mental illness book." Maisie would say that these phases would come into her life through serendipity, but even though I find both Maisie and the books completely delightful, I have to admit that I feel like the themes feel less serendipitous than convenient for Winspear. In fact, sometimes if feels didactic, like she's pushing an agenda.

In Among the Mad, Maisie is nearly killed off in the opening scene, when a disabled veteran sets off a suicide bomb just as Maisie reaches out to stop him (suicide bombs in the 1930s? who knew?). Maisie works with Special Branch to try to figure out first, who the man was, and as she and other important citizens receive threats through the mail, who else out there has a mind to murder. While Maisie and Billy work on the case, they also grapple with the fate of Doreen, Billy's wife, who continues to struggle with depression after the death of their daughter (two books ago). Maisie's best friend Priscilla is also struggling with depression. It feels like a terrible time to be in London, with everyone going off to mental hospitals or threatening to set off bombs all the time.

One of the things I like best about the Maisie Dobbs books is that they're generally kind of understated. By that I mean that as a reader, I'm not really fearing that Maisie is going to be offed in the course of the novel. The only time I was kind of surprised by someone's death was when Billy's daughter died, and she was definitely a minor character, and one whose death provided a lot of the impetus for events in future novels. However, in this book, Maisie keeps ending up in life-threatening situations. In a book that comes in a series, it feels like a cheap shot to have Maisie's life in danger twice in one book, because we know she won't die. I think I have to believe that death is a possibility if someone is in a situation where the character could die.

Despite this being one of the weaker Maisie Dobbs novels, I still enjoyed it and I don't feel like the 10 hours I spent listening were a waste, because what comes next is well-worth putting in the time with this one.

A letter to Rose- October 18

Dear Rose,

This week we went out and got pumpkins. Maren, my little shadow, who I'm confident will blossom into a wonderful big sister when you arrive, insisted that we needed seven pumpkins, not six pumpkins. She picked out a white special little white pumpkin for herself, and she picked out a matching one for you, too. So in a few weeks, we'll carve it in your honor and wish you were here.

Where we live, fall is a beautiful time of year. The mountains turn red and gold and orange, and the canyon near our house stops my breath it's so pretty. It's a season of pumpkins and honeycrisp apples and cool nights. October is when we pick out our Halloween costumes and start making desserts with lots of pumpkin and cinnamon. We even had pumpkin chocolate chip pancakes for dinner on Sunday. In China, I know that the moon festival just passed, and I expect that next October, we'll have moon cakes alongside our ghosts and goblins. I'm not quite sure how it will all work out, this American-Chinese hybrid, but I'm confident that it will work out.

This Saturday, Annie had a viola lesson. The teacher had the students play a song they knew by heart, then tried to trip them up by asking questions. Annie was doing great-- she'd answered a bunch of questions with no problem at all (that big sister of yours is really smart!). Then the teacher asked how many brothers and sisters she had. I expected that she'd say two brothers and a sister, but she said that she has two brothers and two sisters. Even though you're not here yet, you're already Annie's sister in your heart.

This morning Maren and I were at the grocery store, buying bedtime Pull-Ups. We'll be going back to diapers in the daytime for you, sweet Rose, but at night, you'll be in good company with half of the other kids in the family. Maren was looking at all of the baby stuff, and she said, "Rose is so pretty. She's prettier than the babies on these pictures." I think so too, and I'm glad that Maren, at least, is getting comfortable with the idea of you, and isn't seeing you just as the cleft of your lip.

There are a couple of families in our Yahoo group who are going to your orphanage in the next couple of weeks to pick up their babies. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they might find a way to snap a picture of you, even though it looks from the picture that your crib is up against the wall in a corner.

Your crib here in Utah is all set up and waiting. Annie and I set it up last week, and then the girls each added a doll they thought you'd like. Annie added her Ivy American Girl doll, and Maren added the tiny little Asian Corolle doll that she picked out months ago. So every morning when I walk into the room, I feel a little pang. On the one hand, I'm thrilled that you're coming, and delighted that everyone in the family is excited for your arrival. On the other hand, I want you here. Now.

Until next week, my sweet.

Love,

Mommy