A Letter to Rose-- February 7

Dear Rose-

Maren woke up and ran to my room this morning, just like every other morning. Most mornings she comes in demanding juice and cereal, and this morning, before the demands for breakfast, she said, "Rose is ten months old today." You are ten months. We've known about you for almost five. That's half your life. It makes me tear up a little bit to think about how much we've both missed out on as we've tried our best to push papers as fast as they will go.

I'm getting kind of tired of these letters. It would be so much better just to whisper these words in your ear, to snuggle you, to see you so you can know how I feel about you. But we're close. So close. I'll hang in there for a few more weeks if you will.

A few more weeks-- that's all. If all goes well, we should be getting on a plane in four weeks and three days. We'll have you in arms two days after that. We can't know if all will go well until it actually goes well (does that make any sense?). I like to give myself an idea of how much time we need to wait by thinking about what I was doing that much time ago. For example, if I have to wait four weeks and three days to get on a plane, I think to what I was doing four weeks and three days ago. It was January 7th. A week into January already-- the Christmas tree was down and the kids were back in school and I was working on my thesis. When I think of it that way, it doesn't seem that long until I can be with you.

The next few weeks are going to be rough-- there's no two ways around it. I know that in the world of International Adoption, parents are supposed to be open to all kinds of uncertainties, and I've learned through this process that I'm so much better with certainty. If I knew I were getting on a plane on March 10th, it would still feel like a long time, but it wouldn't be stressful. Instead, I'm glued to the computer. Reloading, reloading, reloading. Right now, I tell myself, it's not for myself, but for the sisters I've waited with all through this process, the ones who got their LOAs and their Article 5s just before we did, the ones who have already been waiting a long time. Reload, reload, reload.

Soon it will be our turn.

I love you, sweetie.

Love,

Mommy