Monday, April 21, 2008

White Sony Television



White Sony Television
1994-2008


White Sony Television, beloved companion and communicator of mass media, died this morning after suffering a fall from a great height. She was 13 years old.

Whitey came into our lives on Christmas morning 1994, in West Des Moines, Iowa. She spent most of her childhood in various student apartments in Provo, Utah. In her adulthood she found herself the focal point of rooms in homes owned by Ed and Shelah in St. Louis, MO, Rochester, MN, and Houston, TX.

Television never married, although she had productive long-term relationships with Gray Apex DVD Player and Black Dish DVR. She enjoyed all kinds of programming, but specialized in broadcasting morning news programs, educational shows for the under-eight set, anything on the Food Network, and SportsCenter. She served most recently as Ed and Shelah's private bedroom receiver, and those who came to the house could see her sitting prominently high atop Ed's dresser, a spot which she enjoyed, but which, unfortunately, also led to her sudden and unexpected death.

Whitey suffered from a broken vcr and loose plugs in her old age, but her family never abandoned her for a sleeker, plasma model, instead nursing her through several lost remotes and an often-hazy connection to the satellite dish.

She is survived by Gray Sony Television of the family room and Black Television of the playroom, as well as countless electronic gadgets from all over the house. After services in her honor, White Sony Television will be laid to rest at the local recycling center.

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In related news, White Sony Television's death has been labeled an accident, and all charges against Black Horizon Treadmill have been dropped. Treadmill issued this statement, "I am very sorry for any role I may have inadvertently played in Television's death. I will try to keep my vibrations to a minimum in the future." Charges against Shelah, who was operating both Treadmill and Television at the time of the incident, are still pending. Experts close to the case believe Shelah will be asked to pay for a replacement as part of her punishment. She was not able to be reached for comment.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love it!!! *giggle* So are you replacing it with a flat screen?

Shelah said...

yeah, I was not able to be reached for comment because I was off researching new flat screens!

Anonymous said...

ROFL!!!! Dude, I totally had a dream about you last night. I shall post about it on da mof board.

-They call me Mom- said...

ROFL, ROFL, ROFL

You write so well and you have such a fantastic sense of humor!

Sonja said...

So how long after the death of Whitey is it appropriate to start looking again? I mean, anything less than 6 months might be insulting to Whitey's honor :)

I don't think I could ever replace my TV. Ever. I would live out the rest of my life alone. :D

Melissa said...

LOL, thats great!!

Kermit~the~Frog said...

Hee.

lyn said...

Oh how funny!

bluestocking mama said...

just checking in to pay my respects :) great post!

Courtney said...

hilarious!

sheri said...

You'll all be in my thoughts and prayers this week.

Alissa said...

dude. hilarious!!! seriously funny stuff here shelah.

Andrea said...

Clever.

R.I.P. Whitey

Shelah, I know a good lawyer if you need one.

smart mama said...

Can I write the obit- seeing as we're personally acquainted- also you have a total runners head now!

smart mama said...

oh and thanks for my birthday present- it is already being put to good digging use!

Doreen said...

RIP WST. LOL

Anonymous said...

Tears! I have tears I say! thanks for the belly laugh!

Meemer said...

lol! an obit for your t.v. that so rocks! so, was the treadmill at 10 mph??

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for the untimely death of Whitey -- I've also turned it on its access to watch from your treadmill, but without permanent damage. I'd say it lived a long and productive life. RIP. You made me laugh out loud on a day of writing FAR less interesting things! Love, Annie

Anonymous said...

Ouch. Did I really write access instead of axis? How embarrassing. Too little sleep, too much writing about Rocky Mount, NC. Oops!

Shelah said...

Meemer-- I plead the 5th.