Over the last few months, I've been really struggling with getting the kids to bed. Isaac and Maren are still pretty easy. I plop Maren into the crib at 7 o'clock and don't hear a peep from her for twelve hours (but my bedroom is at the other side of the house and we don't use a baby monitor, so I may be deluded). Isaac is a little bit harder-- he's slept on the floor since he got sick last year. At first he was afraid of being up on the bed when he was immobilized by the cast, then he developed an irrational fear of teddy bear shadows, which morphed into an even more irrational fear of an Amish quilt, and now he's just plain afraid of the dark. So we put him in a sleeping bag, leave the lights on, and if he doesn't get distracted by playing with Legos, he's usually out in about ten minutes. When we move, I'm seriously considering buying this bed (or maybe trying to figure out if I can make it myself for less than $900):
Bryce and Annie aren't so easy. They go to bed at 8 o'clock, which is just about the time that I am DONE for the night. I want to sit down with my feet up and a bowl of ice cream on my lap and some entertaining television show in front of me. I do not want to fight the good fight anymore.
But unlike Isaac and Maren, who get in bed and stay there, Bryce and Annie take forever to wind down at night. They go upstairs at 8:00, but it's rare to have them asleep before 9:00. Annie reads, but calls out periodically. Bryce is up and down the stairs ten times a night with questions and requests for another drink. He won't get in his pajamas until we physically force him into them, and resists getting under the covers.
So how does this relate to running? When I first started running marathons, I was totally out of it by the end of the race. I just had nothing left to give. After my first marathon, I staggered to the car and couldn't walk for most of the next week. This time, it wasn't so bad. I was tired when I finished, but after I got a shower, I felt pretty good.
The hour from eight to nine feels a little bit like the last couple of miles in a marathon. I'm tired, and I just want to get to the finish line. I just want to have a chance to have a little child-free time before I surrender to sleep. But the last hour is so much more painful if I give up and I'm not engaged and mentally tough. If I sit on the couch with that bowl of ice cream and try to get engrossed in my tv shows, I end up mad every time I get interrupted. But if I go upstairs, sit on my kids' beds, turn off their lights, and help them settle down, I have a sinking suspicion that they'll fall asleep a lot sooner and I'll end up getting to that finish line a little faster.
Anyway, since I've been reading all of Sarah Susanka's Not So Big House books, I think I've been romanticizing the idea of having my kids share bedrooms once we move to Utah. Anyone want to weigh in? Do you think that sharing a room helps or hurts at bedtime? Bryce and Annie successfully shared for a year in Minnesota, and Bryce and Isaac have been together for more than two years here. We've always staggered the boys' bedtimes so Isaac is asleep once Bryce goes to bed (because Bryce would talk his ear off until midnight if they went to bed together) but that won't always be practical. I'd rather not have a house with 6+ bedrooms (we need a guest room in the new house) just because that seems excessive, but do the cons of sharing outweigh the pros? I need to know...
And I'm shamelessly stealing the blessings thing that smartmama and bluestockingmama have been doing. I think it's a great exercise. I tried having a private blessings blog for a while, but it wasn't working. So here's my inaugural exercise:
1. sweet potato casserole
2. lazy Sundays
3. date nights (even when sushi is on the agenda)
2. lazy Sundays
3. date nights (even when sushi is on the agenda)
19 comments:
Sharing bedrooms (a recent occurence at my house, since Bennett was born) gets a big thumbs down. Campbell screws around and bothers Keller non-stop. We've resorted to putting Campbell to bed and letting Keller hang out in our room 'til the evil one is asleep. *sigh*
Maybe if we'd done it all along?
My boys have always shared a room, M first with L and then with LittleMan when he finally somewhat slept through the night.
It has gotten harder to get them to sleep, so we have to stagger bedtimes and if LittleMan isn't asleep when M goes to bed, it takes hours sometimes to get them to stop talking and goofing around.
Though the mornings are usually better because they'll play pretty nicely together most mornings and let us sleep in just a bit more :)
My kids have always shared a room (they are 5 and 2). Things have been mixed--my daughter is thankfully a sound sleeper so she didn't get too bothered when baby brother was crying. The last few months since we had to take the little guy out of his crib (he was climbing out) have been hard. He would climb in her bed and wake her up and they would bother each other for an hour before falling asleep. So for the last month we put my dd down in our room and our son down in their room and then move them once they're asleep. It's working for now and maybe in a few months we can readjust things. At least they entertain each other in the morning for a little while now. Sometimes I think sharing might be easier with older kids, but I'm probably wrong.
nak
mixed results here. animal and sweetums share beautifully but the little one is 4 months old and goes to bed two hours later. also, animal is a champion adapter.
the boys (8 and 3) share and their bedtimes are staggered. Scooter chills in the family room and it's not intrusive on my downtime.
They will share for years to come, though.
I like sharing rooms, but that is just me, I guess. There is a honeymoon period where everyone is adjusting, but it wears out. They get older, and get used to it. Occasionally, they still keep each other up or bother one another. I'd like to have a room for my baby 'til he is sleeping through the night and putting himself to sleep, but he is sleeping in the front room now.
I have a hard time justifying a guest bedroom, but people rarely visit me.
I know exactly what you mean. I can hold it all together until they are "in bed" then if they get up after that, I just want to (and sometimes do) lose it!
I don't know if sharing helps or hurts. Julio (7) and Juan Carlso (5) Have shared for a few years now. They are the main culprits of the after bedtime break outs-but I'm not sure they wouldn't do that if they were on their own. Sorry. No help here.
My boys have always shared and it's still a battle to get them asleep at the same time. If I could have another bedroom I'd separate them in a heartbeat.
my kids have always shared rooms at some point. Cheryl with Matthew once he was out of my room at 7mo. Then Cheryl had her own room since Thomas was next and he shared with Matthew. Then once Samantha was born she is in with Cheryl. S goes to bed first then C and I shut their door so no getting up. The boys go down at 7:30pm and usually by 8pm they don't get up anymore. I put them down btwn 7:15-7:30 and sometimes I'll leave the light on for 10 min and let them read. But if they get rowdy then lights out. If T keeps getting up I make him sit on the potty and he hates that so he stops getting up. And my kids will always share rooms, I think it builds character and I don't want to have to buy a 6-7 bedroom house ;)
Mine have always shared. I like the girls together because I think it builds the bond but they do have a hard time going to bed. As long as they stay in their rooms I'm not too bothered.
When Chase was born he was in with us for about 4 months. I had planned to put him in our 4th bedroom but Seth really wanted him in his room. So, we put Chase down in his room. Seth goes down later in our room and then we move him. Seth is a heavy sleeper so Chase doesn't wake him even if he cries during the night.It isn't ideal but it works.
Our house has 3 rooms up and 2 rooms down. Our kids are all scared of their own shadows so it was just easier to keep us all upstairs even though it means the girls have the master bedroom and we have a secondary bedroom.
I think even when we move into a more permanent home I will keep them in shared rooms. But, I really like having a split master so its easier to ignore the kids.
A second thought, my kids all go to bed much better/quicker when we follow a strict routine (which helps them settle down).
You may not remember me, we lived in your ward a couple of years ago, and I have been a silent fan of your blog all this time.
We had all the kids in separate rooms in TX and when we moved to the north east, that is simply not possible because the houses are so much smaller. So we've done it both ways.
When they are fighting over how bright the light should be or how much the door should be left open, I hate that they share a room.
But, when I can hear them quietly giggling together or talking in the morning before they get up, I think it's all worth it.
sharing a room works well for us with K and S. sharing beds does not. if they crawl into bed with each other it takes forever for them to actually fall asleep and they are both usually up throughout the night. but i like them sharing rooms. they go down at the same time and we haven't had any problems.
also, that bed, i'm sure you can totally make one. i had a friend in college who made himself a platform bed as his first construction project and i remember it being really easy for him.
I am thinking that individual bedrooms, and these days sometimes an attached bath in each, is a fairly recent phenomena which some social scientists link to children in this generation who feel "entitled" in so many ways, and parents who cater to that sensibility. (I do not mean this in regards to anyone's family, by the way.)
Not so long ago, most of us probably grew up in shared rooms earning the privilege to private abodes when our older siblings left for college, marriage, etc.
That being said, my kids have their own rooms. But I have two.
Interestingly all recent issues of my home and garden magazines feature families who are downsizing and cute ideas for shared bedrooms.
Did I miss the post or where in Utah are you headed?
PS I just hit 6 miles in running. I know that's child's play to you but thanks for the continuing inspiration.
We shared bedrooms in my family growing up, and I think overall it was a great experience. I remember fighting with my sister, and trying to cope with our different styles of room cleaning, but as we got into high school we became the best of friends. So I've always been a believer in sharing rooms. That being said, I think there are situations where sharing a room could prove difficult, and siblings could end up not getting along in the long run. So much of it depends on family dynamics and personalities.
By the way, I feel the exact same way at bedtime! I find so many other things to do instead of putting the kids in bed - like catching up on blogs!
I'm another 'sharing is good for them' fan. That being said since moving here we've let our older two have their own rooms. Ashley is just so much older that she is legitimately in a totally different phase then her sisters. That leaves either three kids in one room or another lucky sister gets her own space. Megan was the winner.
Bedtimes vary though and we're in the 'sometimes we crash at 4pm and then want to stay up until midnight' stage with the youngest two. Those nights stink.
Ugh. I hear you with the finish line bit. I do not want to be the mom after 8pm. My kids have lately come up with this "I'm scared of the dark, monsters under my bed, etc." baloney. When they come out of their room and say that, I run at them snarling and roaring and growl, "The only thing you should be scared of is ME if you get out of bed again!"
It scares them, but in a fun scary way.
I think.
I'm fan of sharing rooms. Heck, my twins were sharing the womb;). All 4 of my kids are in the same room. It's a big room. The 11 mo old usually goes to bed last and sometimes we put her to sleep in the porta-crib in our room if the boys are up late. All of the boys go to bed together (6, 6, and 4) and sometimes it takes a bit to get them in and quiet and sometimes they have to be separated but those nights don't happen often. All in all, I like the room sharing and kids will adjust to whatever you give them IMO. It's not like they can go sleep in a hotel or something. "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."
I just found your blog through Segullah and have really enjoyed reading your inspiring thoughts. My 5 year old and 3 year share a room and I find that it is really beneficial to both of them. My 5 year old is deathly afraid of the dark, but having his sibling in the room with him has really helped him deal with that fear tremendously. He feels so much more secure having someone in the room with him. We also let him sleep with a flashlight in his bed so that if he wakes up and is scared he immediately has a way of lighting up the room. They do have their nights where they spend a bit of time talking before falling asleep, but most of the time, if we follow our bedtime routine of bath, story, teeth brushing, and prayer, they go to sleep fairly easily.
Kyle and Kelly have shared a room since Kelly was 2 months old. (living in a 2bdrm/1bath apartment will force that decision, lol). For them, it's been awesome. Course, Kyle was 4.5 when Kelly was born, so old enough to know how to be quiet. It's actually harder for Kelly to fall asleep if Kyle's NOT in the room w/her. She still does, but will keep asking for him before we close the door. I've asked Kyle about it several times and he loves sharing w/her. I guess there are times during the night that she'll keep whispering his name until he wakes up, walks over to give her a kiss through the crib bars and goes back to his bed. How freakin cute is that?! I just wish I could be a fly on the wall and witness it.
But like Char mentioned, it could be a harder situation if they're not use to sharing.
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