I'm almost too tired to post. It's 8:45 and I just got my last kid into bed. I've been going since 6:30 this morning. I dressed three kids, oversaw family scripture study and prayer, did a carpool run, went to the gym, did three loads of laundry, got ready for the day, took a kid to swimming lessons halfway across the city, baked and frosted a cake from scratch, filled out birthday party invitations, supervised homework, took the kids to the playground, gave four baths, made and cleaned up three meals and ran and unloaded the dishwasher twice, among other things. Just a normal day's work around here. But I'm wiped.
I want to sit down and watch tv. Smutty tv. It's Thursday night-- you know the show. But after watching Conference on Sunday, I'm feeling guilty about it (but not guilty enough not to do it, right?). Am I really being the best woman, homemaker and mother I can be if I put my feet up, eat a bowl of ice cream, and watch some smutty tv after a fourteen-hour day? There's still work to be done (laundry to fold, a sore hamstring to stretch, Christmas presents to sew, grocery lists to make, pictures from the last two years to scrapbook). But I'm tired.
I used to run every day. Rain, shine, fatigue, pregnancy? No matter what-- I'd be running. I got to the point where I didn't love running quite as much anymore. On the advice of some pretty smart people, I decided to stick in a few days of cross-training. Pretty soon, I wasn't feeling so weary anymore. And you know what else? I got faster! I feel the same way about motherhood. I bring a much better A-game to the table if I get the chance to do things like run and blog and go to book club and watch the occasional smutty tv show when the kids are in bed. Some people might say that I'd be a better homemaker if I were folding those three loads of laundry. But I think that for moms who do their best to be the best moms they can be all day, a little bit of slack and recharging is the best medicine. The laundry can wait (but that might result in my children not looking "perfectly pressed" come Sunday). The ice cream and the smutty tv? I need those now.
4 comments:
When I used to work part time and had Seth, I never felt like I could get everything done. No matter what I was doing, I knew I should be doing more. If I was playing with Seth I was thinking about the report I needed to review. If I was working on a report I was worried Seth was going to wake up and need me. If I was relaxing in front of the tv, I knew I should be working. Now that I am a SAHM, the thing that is always in the back of my mind is the huge pile of clean laundry that needs to be folded.
I get what you are saying about conference. I definitely came away feeling like I needed to make better use of my time. But, I am focusing on the time I truly waste during the day. The time when I am on the computer surfing just to avoid housework or something similar. For me, I need an hour or two after the kids are in bed and 15 minutes here and there during the day to recharge or I would go crazy. I feel like that time is productive even if it is blogging or watching tv.
girl. you're preaching to the choir.
I agree with you 100%. While I'm trying to fine-tune some areas of my personal "mom" life, I also fully believe that doing so doesn't mean "make myself a complete slave to my family". In the big scheme of things, does it really matter if the clothes are folded tonight or in the morning? (or in 3 days?) There's a balance to be found between being a good homemaker and having some joy in life.
Your standards are so high. Don't get down on yourself. You are already such an awesome woman and mom. You do so much for everyone else...don't feel guilty about taking good care of yourself the same way you take good care of everyone else!
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