The narcissist or the slug

Ok, I'll admit it, I'm motivated by external rewards. Nothing gets me on the treadmill faster than the promise of a good piece of chocolate cake afterwards. I love having running partners, because I'd definitely talk myself out of getting out of bed when the alarm goes off at 4:45 if I didn't think my friends were waiting for me.

For a few months last year, I kept a to-do list on an internet message board. In the mornings, I'd post the list of things I wanted to get done each day, then update as I did them. I'd purposely make my list long (so my friends could say, "whoa, she's a dynamo!") and then I'd run around, frantically getting things done, so I'd have the satisfaction of crossing things off my list.

The upside to the list was that for a few months, I felt really productive. My house was clean, my laundry folded, and people would notice if I had something on my list for more than a few days. I'd have people saying things like, "Shelah, do your ironing!" and then I'd have to go do it. The whole idea of being accountable for getting my chores accomplished totally motivated me.

The downside to the list was that I ran (literally) to the computer to update every time I completed a task. I'd invariably get sucked into the other threads on the message board, which led me to check a couple of other boards, then I'd start to read the blogs, and pretty soon an hour had passed by.

So I stopped keeping my list online. I tried the list-keeper on the google desktop, but I'd still run to the computer to cross things off (without the satisfaction of letting 100 people know I plucked my eyebrows or put away the laundry), and always reloaded the message board while I was updating the list.

Now I don't keep a list at all. For the first time in my memory (probably the first time since we've been married), I haven't put away my laundry by the time laundry day rolled around again. I don't sweep as regularly as I should. My eyebrows are a mess.

It's 12:49. The narcissistc, list-keeping Shelah would be folding laundry and sorting it into piles to put away. The sluggish, list-eschewing Shelah sits with her butt stuck to the computer chair, checking her message board and loading the blogs.

I guess giving up the list really didn't work, after all.

--originally published 1/23/06