Monday, January 21, 2013

The forest for the trees

Dear Eli,

The other day my friend Julia took me out to lunch. I'd spent the morning hanging out with your brothers and sisters, periodically breaking away from the chaos to check my email and the Facebook boards of other parents waiting to get their kids in China. The Facebook board is amazing-- it's really nice to have people out there who can support each other through the process, especially since it's a process that is so different from the way most people build their families. But it's also easy for us to spur each other on to become almost pharasiacal in checking off the steps to our adoptive kids. I've fallen in with about ten other ladies who will likely travel the same time we will (give or take a week, maybe), and it was a little hard to tear myself away from the computer to go to lunch with a real person. What if something happened while I was gone?

As it turned out, I couldn't help myself, I checked my email during lunch and I had an email from the National Visa Center with our GUZ#. This means nothing to people who haven't been through the process, and in actuality, it's about a quarter of one of those steps I posted a few weeks ago on my blog. A teeny tiny wiggle forward. But still, I was eager to get home and write the email that would move us on to the next wiggle forward.

I sat down at the computer desk, took a deep breath, and got ready to type. But out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of you staring back at me. We now have about 50 pictures of you tacked up to our bulletin board, but they've been there so long now that they're just like the other pictures and artwork in the room-- I hardly notice them. But at that moment it hit me that all of these incremental steps forward, these friendships I've made, these emails I've sent and the checks I've written, they're not for some great vacation with my mom-- they're for you. And while I know that, sometimes I'm afraid that I lose sight of the big picture and put too much emphasis on checking off the items on my list as quickly and thoroughly as I can.

I love you, bug. It won't be too much longer. The list of steps grows shorter every day!




Stacy said...

I wasn't planning on coming over to here to your blog to cry!!! Thank you for reminding me of the bigger picture! We are so thankful for the friendships that God is growing along this journey in our family's life!!! Can't wait to meet you all soon!!!

Christy said...

So touching! What a gift these letters will be to your sweet boy.