I knew it would happen eventually...

Dear Eli,

Back when I was pregnant with Bryce, I wanted to fully experience every moment of my pregnancy. I couldn't wait to wear maternity clothes. I started counting down the days until my monthly doctor's appointments when the month was only halfway done. I milked the tiny bit of morning sickness I had and indulged myself in taking naps whenever the opportunity presented itself.

When he was thirteen months old, I got pregnant again. This time, I didn't even make an appointment to see a doctor until I was out of my first trimester. I tried to put off wearing maternity clothes for as long as possible. I knew exactly how long nine months of pregnancy felt, and even though I was thrilled to be having another baby, I wasn't thrilled that I had to wait for her arrival for almost a whole year. But as the second trimester rounded into the third, I found that I was just as excited for Annie's arrival as I had been for Bryce's a little less than two years earlier.

I felt similarly this summer when we started our wait for you. I'd just waited for a baby for a whole year, and those hard months when I spent the days willing the phone to ring were still so fresh in my mind. So we said yes to you, but even as I was going through the steps we needed to accomplish to bring you home, I kept a little piece of my heart locked away. If I gave myself over completely, the way I had when we were expecting Bryce and Rose, I was afraid I might not have the energy to get through the next eight or nine months with my sanity intact.

We've now had your picture written in our hearts for almost four months and on our kitchen wall for three. In fact, the kitchen wall is full of you-- there are about forty pictures of your sweet bald head and your big brown eyes. On Monday, we got the news that our dossier has gone "in process" which, to the best of my understanding, means that it has been translated and that sometime in the next few weeks, the Chinese government will officially approve you to become our son. Last time we waited for more than six weeks for this step to take place, and this time, we were only logged in a little more than three weeks before we got the word. So it looks like one of my biggest fears, that your file would get lost on some bureaucrat's desk, where it would wait for 160 days, is not going to come to pass. With any luck, we'll have our LOA by the first of the year. But me, silly, impatient me, can't help but hope it's here for Christmas, or better yet, by December 15th, which is when we got Rose's LOA last year.

Now that we only have about four months until we travel (fingers crossed), I'm starting to feel a hint of excitement. I'm thinking about the trip, and medical specialists, and baby clothes, and double strollers. While I couldn't be emotionally invested in the process for eight or nine months, I think I'm giving myself permission to be emotionally invested for four. When I look at your face, I feel a stirring in my heart. I'm getting excited, even for the prospect of two crazy toddlers who will run me ragged. Before we know it, I'll be your Mama.