I was fourteen, a freshman in high school.
We drove to my grandma's house to celebrate Christmas.
I knew exactly what I wanted. That September, I'd started my first year of early morning seminary. I wanted my own set of leather scriptures-- teal, with my name imprinted in gold. I'd picked them out on a trip to the LDS bookstore in Washington, DC, and I didn't care if I got anything else.
When we woke up on Christmas morning, there were so many presents that they filled the living room and spilled out into the hall. We had to climb around them to find a place to sit.
We started with the youngest (my baby cousin, Ted) and everyone opened in turn until we got to the oldest (my 84 year-old Great Grandma Mandt).
The long package in the corner was for me. A beautiful new set of skis.
On the next round, I got the boots and poles to go with them.
On the next round, a fancy ski bag.
On the next round, an expensive ski jacket.
On the next round, that U2 CD I really liked.
On the next round, a sweatshirt and some Outback Red jodphurs from The Limited.
The next rounds brought a Laura Ashley dress, more books and CDs.
But there were no scriptures. I looked at my gigantic pile of loot, and I cried hot, fat tears. I knew I was being a brat; I had so many good things right in front of me.
But not the righteous desire of my heart-- the one thing I really wanted, the one thing I expected to get that day.
I had to get up and leave the room. I was so embarrassed. I could only see what I lacked.
***
Today we got an adorable picture of our baby.
We got the fantastic news that our insurance will pay for a significant chunk of our adoption expenses (who knew?).
I have a beautiful family, a lovely home, wonderful friends who run with me when it's dark and do incredibly thoughtful things like sending me paintings out of the blue.
But I expected that Travel Approval today. I could taste it. Today was going to be our day.
23 years later, the disappointment still feels the same.
***
We went skiing the next day. I got the scriptures for my birthday, 27 days later. The Travel Approval will come too. I just hope I don't have to wait 27 more days.
1 comment:
Hi! Didja know I was reading????
I totally remember your scriptures! I might have gotten my burgundy set the same year. HA!
I can remember wanting mine very badly as well, and being so excited to have a COMBINATION! . . . ah, the things that once thrilled me. . .
like the "Santa Claus" who I helped deliver cookies and gifts with on Christmas Eve, you remember him.
Anyway. . . I have also been blessed with other gifts that went unnoticed while I held my breath waiting for something else. I know you've received your approval now and I'm so happy for you. I just wanted to add my two cents (and reminisce. . . .)
I am reminded of the scene from UP (one of my faves), where Carl turns the pages and sees that his Book of Adventures was filled along the way, even when he thought he'd missed his adventure. The adventures were perhaps not what he expected, but shaped him and satisfied (even enriched) him nonetheless. It always makes me cry a little when I am caught in my own introspection of my life.
Certainly not what I expected or even planned, but amazing somehow anyway.
I wish you and your family all the joy possible and I know that you are certainly cut out for this new adventure!!!
<3
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