A Letter to Rose-- January 31st

Dear Rose-

This morning, fresh in from my run, I walked around the house in the darkness and pulled down the Chinese New Year decorations. The remains of the dragon went into the garbage last week, when I realized that I was the only one eating it. Tomorrow it will be February, the beginning of our last month without you in our lives. Heck, right now it is February in China, which means that our Article 5 will be picked up, at long last, TODAY, which means that we are now beginning our wait for the last step in the process, the Travel Approval! I feel like that needs more than an exclamation point, it needs an emoticon, a dancing banana or a panda shaking its booty or something like that.

Honestly, I never thought we'd get here. A year ago, when I was absolutely swamped with graduate school, driving down to Provo every single day, when Maren would cry every single morning when we dropped her off for preschool, the whole idea of adding a new baby to our family seemed, as your dad would say, completely crazy. I agree-- I was too busy to even take a deep breath, but every waking second I dreamed of you. I couldn't imagine that he would say yes, and I don't think that he could imagine it either, but since then, the whole adoption process has gone off without a hitch. Of course, I wish that I could have hopped on a plane and brought you home as soon as I saw your sweet face, but working within the constraints we've been given, it's gone off without a hitch.

And now, we're on the brink of going to get you. Your life is going to change-- oh, how it's going to change. I'll admit that I had a pretty (very) negative impression of what life was like for kids living in Chinese orphanages, but over the last year, I've realized that there are good orphanages and bad orphanages, good foster homes and bad foster homes, and that we've all been blessed because you've been in a good orphanage. I've seen the kids you used to live with come home, and they've done well in adjusting to life with their forever families. Even though we're a bundle of nerves around here (I think your dad wishes he could teleport to China, and your sister wants to fill her suitcase with chocolate and Febreeze), it is a huge reassurance to know that you're being cared for with competence and even love.

The bad news is that even though we're right on the brink of going to get you, we're entering back into the land of uncertainty. Most Travel Approvals take about three weeks. I think the average is 20 days. We know that most come somewhere between eight days and 28 days. I know we haven't met yet and you're a baby, but you should know me well enough by now to know that's problematic for someone like me. Because starting in eight days, I'm going to be a wreck, with a constant pit in my stomach, my phone in my hands at all times, ready to bite anyone's head off who calls me if they're not calling from my agency. It's not the waiting that gets me as much as it's the uncertainty. While this 26-day wait (that should have been 14) for the Article 5 has been annoying, I knew from the beginning how long it would be. I guess I can console myself with the fact that we waited 26 days for this step, and chances are very good that we won't wait longer than that for the next.

After we have our Travel Approval and get our Consulate Appointment scheduled, we can come get you. While I'm still hoping out a glimmer of hope that we'll leave on March 3rd (which would get us to you before you turn 11 months), it's more likely that we'll leave on the 10th or the 17th. I hope it's the 10th! Six more weeks, sweet Rose, six more weeks. We can do it! It's really going to happen! This is not a dream!

Love,

Mommy