A real, honest-to-goodness bra. No weird flaps that unhook, no bead in the center to tell me which side I have to use next time. Heck, the bra I'm wearing today could even be from Victoria's Secret (it's not, but it could be). I cut Maren off from her midday nursing yesterday. She's down to nursing only at bedtime and first thing in the morning. She's almost thirteen months, and we're going on a kid-free vacation next month, so it's time, but I'm taking the whole weaning thing so hard this time around, especially since she's likely our last baby. Why, you might wonder, am I sad about this? After all, nursing means that I can never be apart from my baby for more than a few hours (which in a twisted sort of way I like), it means that my boobs droop down to my knees, it means that if she's hungry and I'm in public I run the risk of flashing unsuspecting strangers.
But it also means the end of enforced cuddle time. The end of feeling justified in reading while sitting in a recliner for hours on end. The end of eating cookies without gaining weight. The end of a break from fasting on Fast Sundays. The end of feeling ok about not going to the temple as regularly as is recommended around here. The end of hanging out in the mother's lounge at church (if you've never been there, it's a very strange and wonderful place). The end of feeling needed in such a literal way.
Before I had kids, I always figured that I'd nurse for a year and then be done with it. When Bryce was born, he didn't want to nurse. It took a full month of trying and pumping and working with a very patient lactation consultant to get him to latch on, and for four more months I had to nurse him with water running (the white noise let him focus or something). After that experience, I became kind of passionate about it. I love the bond it gives me to my kids. I know that my babies love me best out of anyone in the whole world, and in part I think it's because they get their milk from me. If I weren't going away, I'd probably nurse Maren for another six months or so, but, alas, it's time.
Soon I'll be free.
I've never been so sad to have my freedom.
4 comments:
I know just how you feel. I have nursed each one of my kids longer -11 months, 13 months, 14 months. I think I'll cry my eyes out when I am done this time. :(
I won't, however, miss the icky nursing bras. :)
my baby is almost 3, and i am thrilled...but a teeny part of me misses nursing.
i understand. i'm too stuborn and i don't have a kid free vacation planned, so my baby is nursing forever.
I had to laugh at your description of the mother's lounge. And totally agree! I'm not in a hurry to wean this time around either. It just seems like an important tie to their babyhood.
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