It has been a long summer-- literally. Here in Texas, the state legislature decided that school isn't allowed to start before a certain date towards the end of the month (three weeks from today!!!), but the kids still got out of school before Memorial Day. So we got about three extra weeks of summer. And the summer weather seems to have the same melting effect on my kids that water does to the Wicked Witch of the West. So summer in Texas is sort of like spending three months in Hell. Hell with large mosquitos, that is.
Anyway, I guess it boils down to the fact that after 10 weeks with four kids around the house, I am slowly losing my mind. The house is filthy. We eat out whenever I can't find something to scrounge in the freezer (chicken nuggets, again?). I've spent much too much time hanging out in front of the computer. And I do not care. Even when I'm "getting a break," like today when I went to Target (with Annie) and the running store (with Isaac), or I went to a Girl's Weekend Out (with Maren), I'm never really by myself. The baby gets up at 6am and Bryce doesn't fall asleep until around 10pm most nights (we do put him in bed much earlier). I'd love a day or a weekend or even just a couple of hours with no one touching me, no work to do, and, most of all, no one calling me Mom.
Eddie does try. The other day, he took the three big kids to see Underdog, but Maren, who was supposed to take a nap, didn't fall asleep until they were on their way home. On Saturday, as I was getting in the shower, both Annie and Isaac begged to jump in along with me. My workouts are the only time I really get to myself, and I cherish them, but today's got interrupted when cranky Maren got stuck in the big kids' bathroom.
I guess I wonder if I got a break, how long it would take to feel less downtrodden. My friend Kristin says that even though she likes spending vacations alone with her husband, she hates that she doesn't feel guilty when she comes home to her kids. Would I feel better after an afternoon? A day? Could I summon up the energy to vacuum the bedrooms and clean the boys' pissy toilet if I knew that I could have a couple of hours completely to myself tomorrow? Would I need a night? A week? I'm training for a marathon now, and I wonder if I'm doing it just so I'm sure to have four hours to myself four months from now.
In a month, Bryce and Annie will be back in school full-time. Isaac will be gone at preschool two days a week. We'll be back in the full swing of baseball practice and piano lessons and ballet classes. I'm hoping that it will kick-start my usually unflagging energy. I just realized this morning that while I'm so excited for some time (almost) to myself, when Annie starts kindergarten I'll be losing my very best babysitter. I'll need the energy to keep all of the crap that's accumulating on the floor out of Maren's mouth.
2 comments:
Yeah, I agree. I left for a week to visit a friend and have some fun after Abby was weaned and I didn't miss my family. I felt so much better when I got home. This time I'm going on a cruise with a friend from college. I can't think of anything better than a week of someone else making food and no one pestering me about things. I'm so excited, I can't wait!
P.S. I do love my kids, but too much of a good thing....
Ah, Shelah...four hours in four months?!! Lucky you! I have been feeling much the same lately with Jay at the new fellowship and the longer commute. I used to cope by spending at least one day of the week with a friend and her kids so at least I'd have someone I enjoyed talking to and my kids had someone fresh to play with but I haven't found anyone here who is that easy to hang out with during the day.
It's a hard balance for me to keep from running out of the house the minute jay gets home from work to get that time alone when I know he's left feeling abandoned and left out. So, I stay...and wither because he didn't get home until 7:00 and now it's 8:45 and the boys are just going to bed.
I wonder what the magical amount of alone time is? I have always said I just need my evenings. But we all know that's not true. I need more!
To answer your question, though, I haven't found school starting to be the answer. Although there is less fighting. But there is also more, "Mom...are we going to do anything fun today?"
Good luck with those mosquitos!
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