I always loved Chemistry in high school. I loved the proofs, memorizing the atomic weights of the elements and drawing out those little models of atoms. But I really loved the lab. I found endless fascination in putting a bunch of ingredients in a beaker, adding something else, heating it up, and watching it turn into something entirely new. If it hadn't been for a particularly heinous Physics class my junior year of high school (with a 50 year-old professional physicist debuting as a high school teacher) then I might have seriously considered a career in the sciences. Then I would fit right in in Eddie's family, where all three sons are on the road to being doctors, his dad is a doctor, and at least 10 of their cousins are doctors. My newest sister-in-law also kills mice in a lab.
Thirty-two days ago we started trying for our fourth baby. I went into it thinking it would probably take a few months, but hoping (fingers tightly crossed) that it would happen immediately. After all, Bryce and Annie were both conceived on the first month trying. And Isaac, well, Isaac was conceived a few months ahead of schedule, when I had gone off the pill "just to make sure I was ovulating." So it came as a bit (ok, more than a bit) of a disappointment to find myself steadfastly unpregnant after I thought we had done all that we could to make it happen on my schedule.
I know, I know, you're probably reading this thinking that I should relax, count my blessings that my first three times were so easy, and not stress about it so much. I do know, that on average, it takes women my age (31 in a few weeks) about six months to get pregnant. I realize that I am more than a bit freaky (or so Eddie keeps telling me) about my driving need to conceive immediately. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that as my life has gone on I have gotten increasingly competitive with myself. I know that getting pregnant is a really stupid thing to be competitive about, but I had a 3-0 record!
Today I have been trying to ignore my cramps and my insatiable need for chocolate and come up with a winning game plan for the month. Last month I peed on 18 (yeah, it hurts to admit that) test strips-- 14 ovulation prediction tests (it got as bad as three in one day) and 4 pregnancy tests. Eddie spent the middle of the month calling me a sexual predator and telling me that my face belonged on one of those sex offender websites. I spent way too much time on a Babycenter message board for women hoping for September 2006 babies. I imagined myself into thinking I was pregnant and then got let down (hard) when I woke up to negative tests four mornings in a row.
So here's my list of "do"s and "don't"s for making this month better than last:
Do:* Chart temps to pinpoint ovulation * Check for the secondary fertility signs (but only in the middle of my cycle-- there's no reason why I need to be feeling how hard my cervix is all month long)* Take a prenatal vitamin* Keep training for the half-marathon I'll probably end up running in February
Don't:* Start using the OPKs until at least the 14th day of my cycle (ovulation last month was on the 18th day). This should save me a lot of frustration and save us enough cash to take the whole family out to dinner.* Break out the pregnancy tests until at least 12 days past ovulation. Last month I started at 9 dpo, when it's pretty much statistically impossible to get a positive test, and worked myself into a frustrated frenzy. I do have about 12 tests up in the bathroom closet, but while seeing a second line at 10 or 11 dpo might excite me, it's not worth the strain on my eyes from staring at a negative test, willing a line to appear.* Suggest to my husband that he needs to have his semen analyzed ASAP.* Take Robitussin, Mucinex, FertiliTea, or any assortment of herbal supplements to enhance fertility* Visit an acupuncturist* Google "ttc tricks" again* Consider us infertile if we don't conceive this month
I think I know why I decided to major in English. In Chemistry you put all your eggs in one basket, watch that basket, and feel like a failure if the result isn't what you expected.
Here's to hoping the formula works for us this month!
-originally published 1/7/06
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