When I was a college freshman, I loved to play solitaire on my roommate Leslie's computer. I'd come back to the dorms after class, kick off my shoes and my pants, and unwind by playing solitaire. At first, one game was enough to help me unwind. After a few weeks, I could only stop once I won. By the time the first semester was over, I'd play for an hour or more before diving in to the homework.
But I never surrendered my days entirely to solitaire because I had Les to keep me in check. One time early in the semester I mentioned to her that I was seeing the solitaire cards in my mind when I was kissing my boyfriend (yeah, you know, the one who became my husband). She'd always help me gague if I was playing too much by asking, "Are you seeing it when you kiss Eddie?" If I admitted that I was, she'd tell me I couldn't play for a week. It was her computer, after all.
Over the last two and a half years, I've gotten similarly addicted to an internet message board. I've seen lots of other boards come and go, but there's a group of ladies I've been posting with almost every day since Bryce was three, Annie was one, and Isaac was just a gleam in my eye. I had just survived (barely) my first Minnesota winter and Eddie's internship. I was probably feeling more depressed than I was willing to admit-- had made few friends in Minnesota and felt totally stir-crazy. And like a gift from the gods, these fantastic ladies dropped in my lap.
But sometimes there's too much of a good thing. Lately, I've been finding myself plastered to the chair in the study for a lot of the day. I can't pass by the room without reloading my page. If the board doesn't move quickly, I sit in my chair, willing people to post. And just like the solitaire, I think about you and your problems when I'm in the bathtub, when I'm making dinner, and when I'm on dates with my husband. And the blogging thing has just added to the addiction. Now, in addition to the board, I have 20 or so blogs from members of the board and their friends to read. I could probably make a full-time job out of keeping up.
But I'm not going to. I'm scratching my big list of New Year's Resolutions and focusing on one thing-- cutting down on my time online and making the time I'm not online more focused on my family. I could leave the board altogether. In fact, for about an hour last week, I did leave. But I rethought my decision and came back. I don't want to go cold turkey. I don't think I should go cold turkey. I love my online friends. I need to handle my addiction in a mature way.
So here's my plan:
* Spend one hour a day on the board. No more. Not even just to let it reload for a second.
* Make most of that hour during Isaac's naptime/Annie's quiet time.
* Don't spend time online in the evenings unless Eddie is working.
I'm trying to keep it simple in hopes that it will work. If I can get through a week and stick to my plan, I'll reward myself (the adult version of a sticker chart). And I'm hoping that over time, spending less time online will become a habit. I broke the solitaire addiction. It's on my computer and I don't even feel tempted to play. Ever. But this is harder-- it's a relationship that I want to keep. I just want to be able to control my part of it a little bit better.
-- originally published 1/11/06
No comments:
Post a Comment