Dan Zanes begone!

Earlier this fall, we, like most of our city, headed to parts less coastal when a category-5 hurricane came hurtling our way. Thankfully, we were all safe. Our home was spared any damage, and we returned four days after we left, feeling more frazzled (it took Eddie 20 hours to travel 250 miles) and poorer (keeping kids occupied when cooped up in a tiny, unchildproofed apartment always seems to be an expensive challenge). But our greatest personal tragedy of the experience struck when the kids and I were about 100 miles from home. I put a CD in the car's cd player and as soon as the first song started playing, Bryce and Annie both started whining about how it was the wrong cd. "We don't like that cd, Mommy." "Put in another one, Mommy." "Do it now, Mommy." "Right now, Mommy."

I pressed eject. Nothing happened. Pressed it again, still no response. Pressed it again and the machine gave an enormous groan, but the cd didn't spit out. Consequently, we've been listening to Dan Zanes's "Night Time" for about three months. I've been too lazy to take it to the dealership to have it fixed, especially since they'll probably tell me that it's no longer covered by the warranty. Last winter Annie and Bryce decided that the cd player was a perfect change holder and right before we moved to Texas I paid $75 to have 76 cents (a quarter, three dimes, four nickels and a penny) excised from its nether regions.

As far as kids' music goes, Dan Zanes isn't too bad. A generation ago, my brother and I would cover our heads with pillows in the back of the van while our little sister forced us to submit to the fingers-on-chalkboard voices of Wee Sing (think Barney). For the first month or so that Dan was in the car we had fun memorizing the lyrics, and I'd mentally analyze the songs and listen for good poetic language ("there's a moon over my street, tipping back like a silver chair, and the sweet smell of dogwoods, bringing summer to the springtime air"). But then the kids each chose a favorite song: Annie liked number 9, while Bryce wanted to sing about fireflies (11) over and over again. Soon I became not just the driver, navigator, referee and stewardess but also the dj, switching back from 9 to 11 and back to 9 as effortlessly as flipping on my turn signal.

But one day, Eddie decided he had had enough. He, who spends less than an hour a week in my car, couldn't take Dan Zanes anymore. Christening him Damn Zanes, Eddie took to the car with a flashlight, a knife, a pair of pliers, and some tool that came from his hospital bag and looked vaguely surgical. And hour later, he came to me (waiting expectantly on the couch), and the news wasn't good: not only was the cd still stuck, but tracks 1-3 and 14-16 were now unplayable. So for the last month we've been stuck with listening to tracks 4-13 (but really only 9 and 11).

A short digression: I'm an NPR junkie. Quite possibly my very favorite thing about living in Minnesota was that we had a fantastic NPR station (three actually: one for talk, one for classical music and one for eclectic music). I was a member and listened to it around the clock. I felt that tuning in somehow made up for the brain cells I was losing from the lack of sleep that comes from having 3 kids 4 and under. The most depressing thing I learned when I came to Texas to look for a house is that the public radio station here only plays the morning and afternoon news shows-- none of the fun talk shows I loved in Minnesota. No Terry Gross. No Diane Rheem. No Talk of the Nation. Nada. Anyway, this does relate to Dan Zanes, because when I listened to NPR in the car I felt justified in telling the kids they couldn't listen to the Disney cd for the millionth time. But when my choices were classical music (boring), regular pop stations (too embarrassing when Bryce starts singing "ain't no hollaback girl") or the kids' cds, I didn't put up too much of a fight when they begged me to pop in Laurie Berkner.

So Eddie took pity on my poor ears and bought me an iPod for Christmas. It came yesterday. We spent the evening loading it with more than 300 songs. A lot of them are kids' songs. Heck, we even loaded two Dan Zanes cds. But we also put on a great selection of U2, REM, 10,000 Maniacs, as well as a playlist of songs to be played only when we're pretending that we're still young and swinging, not thirtysomethings driving around a dirty blue minivan. And today I'm a very happy mama.

--originally published 1/7/06