The Buzz Lightyear Phenomenon

Remember the original Toy Story? Remember how Andy quickly cast Woody aside (threw him behind the bed, if memory serves) when Buzz came into his life? I'm feeling a little bit like Andy lately, and need to blog about it to relieve my guilty conscience.

Today I spent the day at home with the kids. We didn't go anywhere, didn't do much of anything other than read books, play computer games and play with trains. I took them to Sonic tonight with Bryce just in his skivvies and Isaac wearing only a onesie (reason #47 why drive thrus rule). I didn't really care that they never bothered to get dressed because I spent much of the day researching newborn coming home outfits. I've been doing it obsessively for the last week or so and still haven't found anything I truly love, so I keep looking.

So I'm wondering if my big kids are feeling a little bit like Woody these days. I can get really excited about washing and ironing and folding baby clothes, but playing Pollies with Annie bores me to tears. I'll spend all afternoon on a ladder in the nursery, hanging these, but when Bryce wants to play his I-SPY card game, I give in only grudgingly. I can listen to hypnobabies cds until the cows come home, but when Isaac wants me to sing along with Laurie Berkner, I pretend I don't understand him.

I don't want to be Andy, who, after all, was only six, and therefore excused of his bad behavior. I want to cherish the three kids I have right now, right in front of me, as much as I do the one in my belly. If I can extrapolate a reason for my feelings, I think it's that the newborn stage never gets old for me because it lasts for such a short time. Even though Isaac and the new baby will only be a little more than two years apart, it feels like a long, long time since I've had a little baby in the house. Conversely, I feel like I've been doing the toddler/little kid thing for a long time, because once one gets out of that stage, a younger one has already stepped in to take their place.

The good news is that at least I'm aware of my potential to be Andy. And since I'm such an early bird and I could probably have the baby tomorrow and be completely set for her arrival (with the exception of that darn coming home outfit), I have four more months to mend my ways and focus on the big kids. I know that they'll probably identify with Woody once Maren is here and our lives are turned temporarily upside down, but I want to keep them secure in the knowledge that my kids are my favorite playthings, no matter what.

--originally published 8/26/06