Book #8: Little Children

Title: Little Children


Author: Tom Perrotta


A couple of days ago, Annie asked me what I was going to do with my life when Maren went back to school. A few years ago, the answer would have been easy. Eddie was going to go to school first and get a real job, and as soon as I was able to put the youngest child in preschool, I'd start my PhD in English.


I've blogged before about how becoming a stay-at-home mom has been my biggest challenge in life so far (yeah, I know, my life is really hard). After Bryce was born I'd hear the metrolink trains pulling into the station near my apartment and think "Everyone has somewhere to go except me." I jumped all over the chance to teach part time when he was four months old. The kid ate every two hours and and wouldn't take a bottle, but I needed it so badly that I taught two classes back to back and left him with a friend for three and a half hours. She was nice enough to watch him even though I'm sure he screamed for the whole last hour she had him. After Annie was born and we moved to Minnesota, I still needed to teach. I pretty much went crazy the first winter we were there, with a baby and a toddler and a husband who was never home. The sun never shined and it was always below zero and we had brown paneling on the walls in our family room and I thought my life was so miserable. When someone from the community college called and asked me to take a few classes, I immediately said yes, and worked out the details of farming my kids out later.


But by the time Isaac was born, I didn't need it so much anymore. I had adjusted to the rhythms of the life of a stay-at-home mom. In fact, it seemed like working was adding unnecessary complications and stress to my life. So I didn't go back. And I never thought I'd say it when Bryce was born, but I've been really happy at home for the last few years. Maybe it's because my kids have become good company. Maybe it's because I've learned that I don't have to be running in twenty different directions all the time to be happy. Maybe it's because I've developed a rich online social life (lol). Maybe it's just because having four kids keeps me pretty darn busy.


So what does this all have to do with Little Children? Tom Perrotta's novel is supposedly a satire of stay-at-home moms. It didn't seem overy satirical to me. In fact, parts of it seemed pretty much spot-on. Anyway, after watching the Oscars a few weeks ago, I saw Little Children in the book section at Target. It was cheap and I was going on vacation, so I broke my "library books only" rule and decided to read the book that spawned the movie that was nominated for all of those awards.


Anyway, Perrotta gets a lot of things right. He talks about how isolated a lot of SAHMs feel. He talks about how competitive some moms can be. Several times he makes fun of one mom who insists that her kids go to bed at 7pm every night. Wait a second, that's me! Doesn't he know that bedtime is the best part of a SAHM's day?


The main storyline in Perrotta's novel is an affair that springs up between Sarah, who is ABD in women's studies and has now fallen into the traditional role of wife and mother, and Todd, the almost-lawyer who can't seem to pass the bar exam and stays home with his son while his wife makes documentary films. But Todd is sort of a dud. After two years at home he rationalizes his failures by saying, "He was never going to be a lawyer.  He'd told Sarah he didn't know what had gone wrong but that wasn't precisely true.  He knew, he'd just never been able to put it into words.  Something had happened to him over the past couple of years, something to do with being home with Aaron, sinking into the rhythm of a kid's day.  The little tasks, the small pleasures.  The repetition that goes beyond boredom and becomes a kind of peace.  You do it long enough, and the adult world starts to drift away.  You can't catch up, not even if you try."


Reading that paragraph pretty much scared the crap out of me. Over the years, I have sunk into the rhythms of a kid's day. The one day a week I have to fight rush-hour traffic seems pretty miserable. I like being home, like having my free time, like my online friends. It's predictible. I like my kids. It's not easy, but what job is?


So is Perrotta saying that SAHMs and SAHDs will never again be cut out for the working world? I hope not. I've jumped right back in twice, and it hasn't been all that hard. I may know the words to every Laurie Berkner song ever recorded, but that doesn't mean there's no room in my brain for literary criticism. Some days I do feel like the adult world is passing me by, but I also know that it's a temporary thing. I've already seen three children grow up before my very eyes in the last six years.


Just because Todd was a putz and rationalized his way out of his career doesn't mean that every SAHP should feel that way. Maybe I should send off for some brochures for the PhD. Or not. Either way, I'm not going to use my children as an excuse for letting the world pass me by.


--originally published 3/22/07