tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1912043579415184090.post1893599874707486526..comments2023-12-28T15:28:36.740-07:00Comments on Shelah Books It: Solomon's ChoiceShelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14894331035791148486noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1912043579415184090.post-84684233401395633582013-01-12T10:54:58.373-07:002013-01-12T10:54:58.373-07:00I loved this essay...hadn't read it before.
M...I loved this essay...hadn't read it before.<br /><br />My sister has adopted a daughter and a son, and I've heard many people say that kind of thing. I've also heard people make the same "lucky" comment about non-adopted kids. Typically, they're trying to compliment the parent in an indirect way, instead of saying "you're a fantastic parent" they'll say "he/she is so lucky to have you for a parent". <br /><br />But that always kind of bugged me...because of all the randomness of the whole thing. Some kids aren't so "lucky", and some parents aren't that fantastic but they ended up with great kids. At the end of the day, we mostly just get who we get, and some matches are better than others. In both cases there seems to be quite a lot of divine help along the way. And THAT isn't a matter of luck. ♥Bluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08637947893196880480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1912043579415184090.post-75331552838842585292013-01-07T17:13:42.243-07:002013-01-07T17:13:42.243-07:00Thanks for answering my questions! Makes sense. Thanks for answering my questions! Makes sense. Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18390549833480894919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1912043579415184090.post-36830702026818106552013-01-04T10:20:22.309-07:002013-01-04T10:20:22.309-07:00* That should say "any more beholden to me th...* That should say "any more beholden to me than my biological kids do." Typing with a baby on the lap-- you know how it goes. :)Shelahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14894331035791148486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1912043579415184090.post-49965879324567592332013-01-04T10:19:18.813-07:002013-01-04T10:19:18.813-07:00Katie,
That's a good question. It's somet...Katie,<br /><br />That's a good question. It's something I'm sure I would have said before we started this process. I think the answer has several parts, but I think they all relate back to respecting how my kids might feel about being adopted. First of all, they might not feel lucky that they were born with disabilities and then abandoned within the first few hours of life. I want them to be able to feel upset and resentful about that as they grow up. They might not feel lucky that they were removed from their home and culture and adopted into a family where they look different and may act different from everyone else. Also, I think a large part of it is that I don't want my adopted kids to feel any more beholden to me. I don't want them to feel like I "saved" them and they owe me some kind of debt. I may not be expressing that well, but I hope it makes sense. As a result, I think a lot of adoptive parents try to turn the "she's so lucky" comments into "we're so lucky to have her." Does that make sense?Shelahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14894331035791148486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1912043579415184090.post-53919291859536958262013-01-04T09:42:05.266-07:002013-01-04T09:42:05.266-07:00This is a beautiful essay. Very thought-provoking....This is a beautiful essay. Very thought-provoking. I know so little about the world of adoption I had never considered some of the choices that adoptive parents face. <br /><br />I do have a question though - this essay and a YouTube video you posted on facebook mention people saying how "lucky" the baby is as though that is not a good thing to say. What is wrong with saying that? I know there are a lot of life circumstances where well-meaning people say things that are insensitive without realizing, and I just want some insight here. Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18390549833480894919noreply@blogger.com